“Work has been brutal, fellas. The office has been a total bore. A nightmare, really. How are we going to keep getting through this daily grind? We need help.”
“Work has been brutal, fellas. The office has been a total bore. A nightmare, really. How are we going to keep getting through this daily grind? We need help.”A WORD ON DESK TOYS FOR GROWN-UPS
Modern life, as it turns out, can be chock-full of anxiety. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes total sense, especially in any sort of office setting. As Gallantry Men, we’ve been programmed to want to hunt and gather, not to want to be strapped down to a cubicle for 12 hours a day listening to some hippie dip nitwit nerd in the cube over blast his weird, goofy kumbaya music as he blabbers on endlessly about the newest Chai Kombucha he whipped up “prison-style” in his toilet.
Okay, if we’re being honest? We’d be totally cool with Jennifer Aniston’s Horrible Bosses character, Dr. Julia Harris, in real-life.
Okay, if we’re being honest? We’d be totally cool with Jennifer Aniston’s Horrible Bosses character, Dr. Julia Harris, in real-life.As Gallantry Men, however, we must explore “healthy” methods of working through our innate masculine instincts and primal, muscular urges so as to be able to readily execute self-control and avoid hulking out on “Copy Machine Karen” the next time she starts yapping off like a deranged person about how you just have to watch some flaming bag of dog whoopee juice on Netflix called Hannah Gadsby: Nanette or unleashing the beast on that horrible boss (and even worse actor) who’s been watching a little too much Full Metal Jacket as of late and simply can’t stop barking orders at you to respond to everything he says with a “Sir, yes Sir!” (despite the fact that you literally never oblige him, something that he can’t do anything about).
What the heck is this Nanette crap? Womp womp. HARD PASS.
What the heck is this Nanette crap? Womp womp. HARD PASS.Gents, what can we say? These can be trying times that we find ourselves in. However, there are workarounds. There are always workarounds.
“This guy doesn’t even have fun little desk toys! This friggin’ guy!”
“This guy doesn’t even have fun little desk toys! This friggin’ guy!”In our not-so-humble opinion, one of the best ways to blow off steam at the office is to load up on frickin’ rad desk toys. Not only can inspiring desk toys spice up your workspace with a certain Gallantry Man gravitas that lets people know you’re not one to mess with, but the toys themselves can actually activate what makes you such an awesome go-getter in the first place, whether it be your insanely high levels of intelligence (you do shop at Gallantry), your creativity, your imagination, your sharpness, your mental agility, you name it. A couple of choices every day carry desk toys and you might even find yourself on the up-and-up with a promotion and a new corner office! Hey, crazier things have happened. Really. We mean it. Seriously. They have.
“I’m not going to ‘Sir, Yes Sir’ you, dude.”
- Kurt (Jason Sudeikis), probably
“I’m not going to ‘Sir, Yes Sir’ you, dude.”
Let’s get down to business and check out some awesome man toys, shall we? After all, having an absolute blast at your desk has never been more crucial.
“Hold on, hold on. Just hold the f on. Are all three of you meaning to tell me that you don’t own any of those kickass little EDC desk toys from Gallantry? Like, for real?”
“Hold on, hold on. Just hold the f on. Are all three of you meaning to tell me that you don’t own any of those kickass little EDC desk toys from Gallantry? Like, for real?”- Dean 'MF' Jones (Jamie Foxx)
FUN FIDGETS & BRAIN BOOSTERS
Jobs can be rough, but the awesome EDC that you keep spread out across your desk like a boss doesn’t have to be. The way we see things, nothing recharges the brain (in turn allowing you to barrel forward while doing an even better job) like a unique fidget toy. These little guys are hardly just tools that allow for a momentary distraction. They’re lifesavers that can help you relieve anxiety and stress so that you can get back to kicking butt and taking names ASAP.
“I got the perfect man toy for you, my dudes. The Orbiter from Tec Accessories is where it’s at.”
“I got the perfect man toy for you, my dudes. The Orbiter from Tec Accessories is where it’s at.”THE ORIGINAL ORBITER FROM TEC ACCESSORIES
Know someone who likes to fidget? Is it you? Then you have just got to check out the Orbiter from TEC Accessories, the ultimate sensory fidget device! Made from Grade 5 Titanium and powerful Neodymium rare-earth magnets, this tiny little thing that you can easily slip into your pocket is basically indestructible. There are so many ways to play with one, too. You can use yours as a hand spinner, a no-friction trackball, a spinning top - and the best part is the Orbiter just keeps on going and going! The powerful, slip-free, fling-free magnets keep the trackball around the magnet in place, giving you a soothing feeling of satisfaction, like everything is right and buttery in the world (because when you’re playing with one of these, everything actually is).
SPECIFICATIONS
- Machined from incredibly strong and lightweight 6Al-4V (grade 5) titanium
- Extremely portable and pocket friendly
- Weighs less than 2 ounces
- Makes a great desktop or pocket diversion
- The perfect gift for that person who has everything
- Polished titanium finish
- Made in the USA
The Original Orbiter
$67.95
[tab-section data-sc-active-background="#ffffff" data-sc-other-background="#ffffff" data-sc-color="#555555"][tab title="Details"] Know someone who likes to fidget? Is it you? Check out the Orbiter from TEC Accessories - it's the ultimate sensory fidget device! Made from Grade 5 Titanium and powerful Neodymium rare-earth magnets, it's basically… read more
“The Brass Jack Puzzle from Craighill will help flex your mind. As Gallantry Men, you need to work that muscle, too.”
“The Brass Jack Puzzle from Craighill will help flex your mind. As Gallantry Men, you need to work that muscle, too.”Looking to really level up with your next EDC desk toy? We’ve got you covered because the incredibly cool albeit challenging brass Jack Puzzle from Craighill would make even Bobby Fischer sweat. The little guy might be, well, little, but it’ll torment you (in a great way, making you even smarter, as if that was even possible you ol’ Gallantry Man you) for hours on end and work parts of your brain that you didn’t even know existed as concentrate on piecing the puzzle back together.
Like a good run, the best part of completing this mental workout is, well, completing it! Talk about earning that well-deserved feeling of satisfaction, right? As is the case with most activities, practice makes perfect. If you start working on this bad boy now, in a few months you’ll literally be leaving your colleagues' jaws on the floor.
“Do any one of you boys have a Craighill Jack Puzzle that I can play with? ‘Cause Momma likes to play with Gallantry Men and their cute EDC desk toys. Momma likes to play a lot.”
“Do any one of you boys have a Craighill Jack Puzzle that I can play with? ‘Cause Momma likes to play with Gallantry Men and their cute EDC desk toys. Momma likes to play a lot.”THE BRASS JACK PUZZLE FROM CRAIGHILL
Puzzles are a great way to get the creative juices flowing or to reset your thoughts when you've been stuck on something for just a tad bit too long. This uniquely stunning jack-shaped one - which is comprised of six 0.5" diameter bars and weighs in at a full pound - is machined in Massachusetts from solid cartridge brass. Just be careful if you decide to take this beautiful brain teaser apart, because you might find it difficult to put back together.
SPECIFICATIONS
- Solid cartridge brass construction
- Illustrated assembly instructions included
- Made in USA
- 1 lb. weight
- 0.5" diameter bars
- 3" L x 3" W x 3" H assembled
Jack Puzzle
$98.00
[tab-section data-sc-active-background="#ffffff" data-sc-other-background="#ffffff" data-sc-color="#555555"][tab title="Details"] Puzzles are a great way to get the creative juices flowing or to reset your thoughts when you've been stuck on something for too long. This uniquely stunning jack-shaped one - which is comprised of six… read more
WEAPONS OF MASS EPICNESS (FOR YOUR DESK)
“You told me there was an EDC slingshot hiding under here. There isn’t. Where is it?”
“You told me there was an EDC slingshot hiding under here. There isn’t. Where is it?”
Once you’ve gotten your mind swole, you’ll be primed and ready to really get your sharpshooter on, locking and loading the most legendary mini desk weapons of mass destruction (wink wink) this side of the equator. To this end, the Made in the USA Hella Slingshot is really the straight-up cash money. We’re not talking about Dennis the Menace’s little twig operation here. We’re talking that grown Gallantry Man craftsmanship through and through.
*Pro Gallantry Man Tip: Gift one to your son or nephew this holiday season if you want to really make his year.
“That’s it. That’s the one. The Hella Slingshot No. 4 from Hella Slingshots. Now hop on that Gallantry website and let’s go!”
“That’s it. That’s the one. The Hella Slingshot No. 4 from Hella Slingshots. Now hop on that Gallantry website and let’s go!”
HELLA SLINGSHOT NO. 4 FROM HELLA SLINGSHOTS
Although it was once (believe it or not) used by guerrilla forces, the slingshot is most commonly remembered as a childhood toy. Hella Slingshot's Best Slingshot No.4 is, however, a modernized version of the one you remember in your younger years and far superior in craftsmanship. It’s handmade in San Francisco from forked tree branches with a walnut finish and constructed with a shellacked hemp grip, leather ammo pouch, and natural latex bands. A reliable self-defense weapon for backpacking, every classic slingshot from Hella Slingshots is truly one-of-a-kind.
SPECIFICATIONS
- Handmade from forked tree branches
- Walnut finish
- Shellacked hemp grip
- Leather pouch
- Natural latex bands
- Made in San Francisco, CA
- 8" - 10" L x 3" - 5" W
Hella Slingshot
$30.00
[tab-section data-sc-active-background="#ffffff" data-sc-other-background="#ffffff" data-sc-color="#555555"][tab title="Details"] Although it was once used by guerrilla forces, the slingshot is most commonly remembered as a childhood toy. But Hella Slingshot's Best Slingshot No.4 is a modernized version of the one you remember in your… read more
“And y’all need to get a Marshmallow Crossbow, too.”
“And y’all need to get a Marshmallow Crossbow, too.”Last, but definitely least, we’ve got the big kahuna that is the Blackout Marshmallow Crossbow from MMX Vancouver. Think about how genius you frame this bad boy for just a second if you would be so kind. Let’s say you land a direct hit on the momo across the office, right (you could do it, too, as this bow shoots marshmallows up to a whopping 60 feet)? Can momo really even get mad at you? After all, you just delivered him an awesome marshmallow. He should be so lucky to get such a special treat from a Gallantry Man legend like yourself! HIYO!
“Holy crap, bro. It’s the Blackout Marshmallow Crossbow from MMX Vancouver.”
“Holy crap, bro. It’s the Blackout Marshmallow Crossbow from MMX Vancouver.”THE BLACKOUT MARSHMALLOW CROSSBOW FROM MMX VANCOUVER
From slingshots to rubber band guns, there’s something deeply satisfying about plinking some rounds off at a target, and this Marshmallow Crossbow from MMX Vancouver is certainly no exception. Made by hand in Vancouver, B.C. from 99% natural materials - including elements composed of Douglas fir, black walnut, natural rubber, aluminum, and copper, this nifty ballistic projectile device can fire individual “rounds” up to 60 feet. Liven up your desk time, your next campfire, or buy two or more for an epic marshmallow battle. With such soft ammunition, the Marshmallow Blaster makes a great gift for sharp-shooters of any age. The Blackout is the same amazing handmade MMX Marshmallow Crossbow featuring premium finishes. All aluminum components have been anodized with the body and trigger dyed.
SPECIFICATIONS
- 60-foot range
- Composed of all-natural materials
- Suitable for all ages
- Made by hand
- Designed and manufactured in Vancouver, British Columbia
Marshmallow Crossbow
$99.00
[tab-section data-sc-active-background="#ffffff" data-sc-other-background="#ffffff" data-sc-color="#555555"][tab title="Details"]From slingshots to rubber band guns, there’s something deeply satisfying about plinking some rounds off at a target, and this Marshmallow Crossbow from MMX Vancouver is certainly no exception. Made by hand in Vancouver, B.C. from 99%… read more
“So y’all each got all four of those toys featured in the last Dispatch, right? I’m not kidding. This is life-or-death Gallantry Man ish, playboys.”
“So y’all each got all four of those toys featured in the last Dispatch, right? I’m not kidding. This is life-or-death Gallantry Man ish, playboys.”
A FINAL WORD ON GALLANTRY MAN DESK TOYS
Hit the delete button on the days of having a boring desk life and hit it hard. Heck, when you’ve got the fun, safe, smart, and delicious cool desk toys that we carry at Gallantry at your fingertips, you may even begin to miss your desk when you’re away (okay, maybe we got a little carried away there, but you’re picking up what we’re putting down).
STREAMING THE EDC DESK TOY
“Whoa! Are those even more new badass EDC desk toys from Gallantry?!”
“Whoa! Are those even more new badass EDC desk toys from Gallantry?!”Seth Gordon’s 2011 comedy Horrible Bosses is that rare comedic gem that somehow slipped past the PC Police’s yellow tape all the way to the big screen in the last decade or so. With an all-star cast that includes Jason Bateman (Ozark), Jason Sudeikis (Eastbound and Down ), Charlie Day (Always Sunny in Philadelphia), Jennifer Aniston (The Break-Up), Colin Farrell (Miami Vice), Jamie Foxx ( Collateral), and Kevin Spacey (The Usual Suspects), it’s just the flick to pop on when you need a little pick-me-up fun (the same sort which is also offered by the aforementioned desk toys for grown-ups in this week’s Dispatch).
Get some! Stream Horrible Bosses on HBO Max HERE!
“A massive order has just been placed on Gallantry. Oh yeah. We’ve got the toys, boys.”
